Run away and a 30 by 30: Take a road trip to somewhere I've never been before

I ran away this weekend.  It was necessary.  I have so much good in my life and so many blessings that it can be hard for me to feel sad and feel like that is ok.  On Thursday night my heart was heavy.  It was that sadness that you can feel physically throughout your body.  Have you felt that before or am I odd?

I couldn't figure out why I was sad but I was trying to let myself feel it because my wonderful Corinnie told me "don't feel bad for having emotions.  it makes you you and i love you".  Sometimes you need permission, right?

I felt the need to leave everything behind and not tell a soul so I checked out priceline, named my own price (half the price of the listed hotels) and reserved a hotel for Friday night in Logan.  I decided I would go to Bear Lake on Saturday morning.

Friday I spent some time with my Heatherfer which was lovely and then I headed to Logan.  When I arrived I settled in and then went for a walk on Main St.  My hotel was right on Main Street and it was lovely and decorated for Christmas.  (I did decide that for safety reasons it was best that I tell someone where I was so I emailed Corinnie my plan for the next 24 hours.)

It was chilly out but the walk was nice.  I walked a few blocks and arrived at The Bluebird.  A lovely little restaurant that has been around forever.  I had originally thought I would order takeout from somewhere and eat at my hotel but I decided to disconnect from things a bit and eat alone at a restaurant for the first time.  It was a lovely experience.  I didn't allow myself to take my phone out I just sat there and ate and observed the people around me.  There was a fiery little girl at the table next to mine that kept me quite entertained.

Then I walked back to my hotel and decided to go star gazing, thinking I could mark that off my list since it's kind of cold and I don't imagine I'll be able to get anyone to go with me.  After driving into the canyon I realized that getting out of my car and sitting in the dark alone wasn't the safest idea so I turned around and drove back to my hotel.  

This morning I got ready and went on a drive to Bear Lake.  This is one of my 30 by 30's.  Road trip to a place I have never been before.  I stopped at an observation point which had a beautiful view of the lake.  I wish I had stopped there and not continued on.  I drove down the mountain hoping to find somewhere to sit on the lake but I couldn't find anything like that.  It was an odd town that filled me with anxiety because, if you know me at all, you know that I don't handle being in small run down towns...especially towns obsessed with things like fruit or anything really (raspberries in this case.  I even saw a woman jogging on the side of the road wearing a raspberry shirt it was crazy).  I don't know where this fear stems from but all I know is that I wanted out because I was sure something would happen and I would be stuck there forever, wearing a raspberry shirt.  I went back to the observation point and enjoyed being in nature for a bit.  I took an incredibly unflattering photo of myself and then decided it was time to head back.

I stopped for hot chocolate and pancakes and then drove back home.  Overall it was a nice getaway, I was able to clear my head, think things through, and came back not necessarily feeling better but having a little better understanding of the intense emotions I was experiencing.  I honestly haven't taken time like this alone for myself in a very long time.  I have wonderful people in my life that hear me when I express concerns and sadness and often that is enough.  This time it was bigger then normal and I needed more.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to run away and try to take care of me.  (I am by no means sharing this so that people will worry about me, please don't, I'll be just fine in no time!)  And hey, I even knocked another activity off my list.  Guess there won't be a last minute Vernal trip after all.  :)