Who I Am

I went to the library a few days ago with a client and saw a CD cover that was really familiar to me.  I couldn't place it or even put a tune with any of the songs but it was definitely a CD I had seen many times before.  I decided to check it out of the library so I could see what was on it.

I was so excited when I went to the song that was most familiar to me and it came on.  It brought a flood of memories back to me and I just started to sing along.  I remember listening to this song often when I first moved to Utah.  I was so sure of who I was at that time and sang this song confidently.  Here is the song:



I remembered changing a few lines to fit me better like "I am Rosemary's granddaughter" to "I am Dorothy's granddaughter" and "the spitting image of my father" and replacing it with mother.  It was really fun!  I loved being reminded of that confidence I once had.  It was interesting to reflect on the years between that confident Beth and this confident Beth.  I was, for a long time, a person that didn't feel comfortable in their own skin.  I was pleased when I thought about it and realized that I am now.  Sure I have tons of improvements to make but I like who I am and where I am right now and where I am going.

Some think that I work too much and worry too much.  They're right.  I agree with them most days.  I am just so grateful to know that I work hard and worry so much because I care so much.  Corinnie and I had a conversation about this topic and she agreed that I need to take care of myself but she also acknowledged that I do what I do and work as hard as I do because I care.  She said "you've always been that way Bethie."  She said some other stuff but I'll stop there.

I have tough days.  I have long days and I have days where I feel like I can't do it anymore.  But then I get up the next day and I do it again and sometimes it is a better day and sometimes it isn't but a better day always happens and I feel rejuvenated again.  Thanks to the support of some friends and family I am working to find balance so that I can take care of me.

I don't know if there is a point to this anymore but I just loved having those reminders of where I have been, and where I am now and that feeling of loving where I am now.  I'm so glad there are so many things that will never change.  I will always be Dorothy's granddaughter, I will ALWAYS look just like my momma, she will always be my biggest fan, I will most likely always have friends that love me and I know that when I fall down I'll always get back up and try again.